Super Roger

    Look! Up in the sky. It's a bird. No, it's a lob! It's...it's...it's...CRACK, smashed away for another boring winner by Roger Federer.

    Okay, just how good is Roger Federer? Answer: the guy is freaky good. I mean, he wins the major tournaments like you and I buy tennis socks.

    Roger popped up in some picturesque town in Switzerland (it's against the law there to not be picturesque). Nobody knows how he developed a backhand that he can spray all over the court like a dog marking territory. Some say he was born with it. Some say as a youth he meditated on a tennis ball that he hung on a string from his bedroom ceiling. Some say he is an evil mutant. Whatever. It's plain Roger is a freak in the mold of Secretariat, but not as fast.

    And Switzerland! Who knew any Swiss person could dominate anything? Hell, I thought Switzerland was so nonchalantly neutral that certain home renovators from HGTV pronounced the entire country's interiors as “hopeless.” All I knew about Switzerland was that it was a sanctuary for the Von Trapp family. That historic family would look up from their mansion in Austria at the majestic mountains called the Alps and would, in wonder, burst into song:
 

    From this small country that even Hitler couldn't be bothered with, marched a one man army in Roger “the predator” Federer.

If you watch Roger carefully during grand slam events, you will spot a subtle “S” on the front of his shirt. Just a hint, really. Even less obvious, but just as telling is a rippling effect behind him as he dashes from one side of the court to the other. It's not jet-wash. He's not that fast. There are faster players than Roger who don't create that ripple effect. Therefore, I think it's a barely perceptible cape.

    This is all evidence that: Hey, the dude is flat good.

    Moreover, when not in his Roger Federer, world's top ranked male tennis player identity, he goes by the name of Clark Kenterer. He sits in his picturesque Alpine home watching infomercials while gazing out at the emerald green pastures that dot and sparkle the picturesque Alps. He listens to the tinkling of the goats' bells as they ravage the pristine pastures and leave enough droppings to fill a picturesque Alpine valley.

    Okay, have you seen Roger's backhand? He makes hitting backhands look easier than growing crab grass. Come on. Backhands are extremely difficult (as everyone but Roger and every two-hander will attest). So difficult, in fact, even PhDs and valedictorians avoid them. Roger, however, makes them look like he wrote the book, One-Hand Backhands for Dummies

    Roger's backhand sets him apart from your average world class tennis player. Even though there have been a goodly number of players with one-hand backhands that have achieved the lofty number one ranking, I felt it was largely because the other parts of their games did all the damage: serves and forehands. Those other player's backhands were simply normal backhands that you could easily witness at your club, except far stronger and way more accurate...but not Federer strong and not Federer accurate. (I've seen Roger dramatically whip a baseline half-volley backhand down-the-line for a winning passing shot..on purpose!)

    And, I understand he can serve and volley. At least that is what I hear through the media grapevine. According to the now burgeoning Federer legend, as a mere 19 year old, Roger once beat that grand champion Pete Sampras at Wimbledon using the serve and volley strategy. Remember, Wimbledon was Pete's summer home. It was his “house.” Nobody came into Pete's house and dissed him. Then again, I may be thinking of Baltimore Raven, Ray Lewis. No matter, it was a huge win that heralded Roger's talent.

    Roger is probably the best tennis player we've ever seen. If you have any doubts, just ask him. Roger likes his game as much as we do. What's not to like? After all, when Pavarotti listens to opera, he listens to himself. His reasoning is simple: why not listen to the best?

    You have to appreciate the way Roger appreciates his game. “I played great,” is a typical Rogerism after a typical drubbing of some also-ran tennis pro whose world ranking floats somewhere between 2 and 200. Some people think Roger is being arrogant and egotistical, but he just recognizes he's the number one player in the world.

Late News Flash: Recently, after setting the record for the most consecutive singles wins in North America (55), he had an off day and lost. The news services broadcast this notable event to an astonished world:

 Federer Loses; Global Warming Blamed.

    So Roger loses once or twice a year. Even Clark had kryptonite.

 Column by Dave Whitehead who is also the author of the Amazon.COM listed 5 Star book titled, "A Tennis Junkies Guide to Serious Humor". Please click here for review and book information.

            
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Dave Whitehead is Tennis Mates Column writer and author of the Amazon listed 5 Star book titled, "A Tennis Junkies Guide to Serious Humor". Dave always appreciates feedback, ideas and anything funny you can send him so feel free to write Dave an email at tennisjunkie@tennismates.com . Below you can check out Dave's Book.

 
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